In last few weeks I realized that I treat fasting like a punishment. Queer.

Under 1000 kcal yesterday.
Fast today.

Day 3

Today is my 3rd day of Healthy Skinny Girl Diet. I'm so so so courious what will happen. I hope I'll loose some pounds at last. I just realized I didn't weight myself at the beginning of the diet. Have to do it today. The next weighting - after the 2 weeks.

It's the very first diet in my life so I feel like brave kung-fu panda ,or sth. :)  Yes, it's strange, but I've always prefered not eating than eating  things someone tells me to eat. So that diet seems perfect, because it's based on the amount of callories and cardio training, not on the food. 

I made some new rules in my diet:

+ Fruits/vegetables are count during the week, I don't count them on weekends

+ Calories burned are not subtracted from the intake for the day 

The odd part od me

Sometimes I'm so weird. Two days ago I met a man in a tram. I first saw him few months ago, he was looking at me, smiling. I had a very bad month, had some problems at home, with my fiance and at work, and his smile gave me hope, that I'm not useless. And from that moment we've been meeting in tram (not a word was spoken between us :) ) from time to time, smiling to each other, catching eyes, ect. For a few months I haven't seen him, until two days ago. It was as usual, we were smiling to each other, from time to time, and then I realized I can't stand up. Cause he can't see my knees. Oh, yes, I stood up and got out but I panicked inside.  I was sure, my knees are fat (fatter than few months ago) and he'll notice :) That's really odd.
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Yesterday was OK. I think it'll be better to eat  about 1000 kcal a day, and feel good. Eating less than 400 kcal a day makes me feel great, I'm proud of myself, but after a while I feel nervous and frustrated.  Of course I won't be skinny in 2 weeks, but there'll be no jojo effect (I hope).
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12.12.2011

+ 3 x rice cake - 60 kcal
+ bisquit - 20 kcal
+ 2 x coffe - 40 kcal
+ 1 glass of millet groats with peas - 200 kcal
+ salad alwith dressing - 50 kcal
+ yoghurt 0% +cereals -> 300 kcal
+ boiled celery - 100 kcal
+ apple - 70 kcal

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840 kcal

Come back

Oh, I'm not good at diets and fasting. I havent' been on diet in past 2 weeks. No fasts, no excersises. I don't know what'd happedend. I just decided to eat. I gained for about 1 pound, and I'm so so so so so so amazed it's not more than that. It's a strange feeling when you're saying to yourself, you can eat everything. Strange and new.

Now I have to say - NOT EATING IS BETTER FOR ME.

Eating is Ok for a day or two, or even a week, but after that time, you're so anxoius about the weight. Of course you're still counting callories, trying to eat only low fat things, but you eat everything you want and that's strange. And you're ashamed when people look at you. Do I look fatter or not? When will they realize I've gained? That's the question which apeears in your head one day. And since that moment you can't get rid of it.

Ok, I'm back. 

As time goes by

I'm going home today. My aunt's feeling bad, she's (probably) going to the hospital on Monday so I want to be with her for the next two days. I think she needs to talk to somebody, and the rest of my family is not good for it. Everyone's terrified, but nobody wants to talk with her.

So it'll be a hard weekend.

Today I'm starting another fast. Hope, I'll make it. Wish me luck.

Hugs & kisses, be strong and slim! :)