Thursday, 3 November 2011


I'm not proud of myself because I have the problem with food. It's not a disorder, like ana. I'm 130 Ibs of fat and flesh, it can't be ana, I'm too fat. I've always had it, and couldn't have accepted it. The little voice in my head. I'm figthing now. Don't know which way I should choose. 

Starvation and urge to starve are feelings that only some people feel. I feel it. I was always thinking about callories and weight. I don't remember time when I wasn't counting callories. Sometimes I am tired of doing that for all of the time. I'm going to grocery, looking at labels with callories. I can't stop. 

Maybe it's time to accept things and be the way I've always wanted to. To accept I have that problem and don't fight. Just accept it's part of my life. 

Sometimes when I'm reading your blogs I don't want to comment. I don't want you to be sick, to starve. You're beautiful people, girls and boys. I don't want you to feel the way I feel sometimes. You don't deserve it. 


To the point, I ate more than 400 kcal yesterday. Not bad, just for about 700 kcal. I was so hungry in the evening I've lost my mind and ate tortellini. 

3 coffes > 45 kcal
3 rice cakes > 108 kcal
3/4 glass of jelly > 60 kcal
cherry vodka % cola > 150 kcal
soup with tortellini > 300 kcal


663 kcal

I have to be strong today. Means stronger. 

Marianne Faithfull


  1. it makes me sad to read about all the girl's deappreciating themselves and talking about starving and hurting their bodies. i just want to give all of you guys a hug and tell you how wonderful you are. I'm glad someone else shares the same opinion :) Hope you're doing well. Keep smiling.

  2. You're right SkinnyNinny. :) I'm glad you're thinking that way.