4/11

I'm reading my novel. Yes, I wrote one. I don't want to publish, wrote it for myself, to prove I can write more than 10 pages. I can. Few month ago I found my old story (written in a notebook ten years ago) and I decided to end it. Now it's almost 100 pages :)

It's a good day. 

The Hoolies - Do you love me

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Yesterday wasn't. 

I was so tired after eating only 4 rice cakes (144 kcal) for the whole day. My husband asked me what's going on. I was in a really bad mood, wanted him to shut up and don't bother me. He said I should eat the soup and he'll go to the grocery and buy some things and we'll prepare spaghetti bolognese.

I said OK.

When he left, I poured away the soup.

I said I ate it, and prepared spaghetti. Eaten 1 glass of it (300 kcal).

But then I ate 2 cups of cereals with low fat milk (300 kcal) and a muesli bar (90 kcal).

So it was almost 850 kcal. Bad. I have to eat more during the day. I won't be binging in the evenings.

Jane Shrimpton

http://www.dailymail.co.uk

Sometimes I think I'll be better without my husband. I could eat (don't eat at all) what I want. I'm worrying about him for all of the time. He wants to be slimmer, and thinks my diet is good (because he lost some pounds). That's why I'm cooking and eating. I don't want him to 'dieting' like I do. I want him to be happy and slim (but in the normal way - low fat products, no sweets, lot of vegetables). My 'diets' are not made for him.

Few days ago I told him I don't know what to do with my old trousers. I bought them few month ago and they don't fit now (too baggy, I can put them on without unzipping). I asked him if I should throw them out. We don't want to get back to this weight, do we? We want it to be lower. That's what he said. But don't throw them out. And I saw in his eyes he doesn't believe I can do it. Loose some weight.

I know he loves me, and thinks I am slim and pretty. I love him but I know it's not true.