It's always about control

I feel broken. Was trying to eat less then 1000 kcal per that week and it's been working. Till Friday. Not eating's giving me strengh. I feel I can control my life. Now I know I can't. Pity me. The truth is that the feeling of not eating for two - three days (only water ad coffe) is gorgeous. I love it.

The best feeling ever. But it's hard. 

Usually not eating is easy when I am at work. But when I'm home again I just open the fridge and eat. Eat after 6 pm, and ever after 9 pm. I'm trying to be focused on something else. Just trying not to focus on food. 

But I'm thinking about it for all of the time. And I hate it. Hate thinking about food 'cause it's making me eat more. Hate myself sometimes. No I don't have any disorder. No, I am not the fan of Ana. Just trying to find myself.

 Sometimes the weight control is the only thing you can control in your life, girl.